thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
