I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
