It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
