peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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