I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a beard to bite.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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