Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
