I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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