Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
