Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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