if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
