If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
