maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have fence marks all over my body
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
