just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
