you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
