i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
