even my farts smell like vagina
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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