I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
