i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
