She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
