I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
