I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
