I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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