my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
