Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
