I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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