I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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