Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
