I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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