I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
