I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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