4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he puts the penis in happiness.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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