she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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