The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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