Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
