Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
