i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
