Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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