talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
