At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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