Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
two words: eviction party
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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