Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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