Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
