STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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