It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
