I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
