Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize