Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
