Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
