the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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