You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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