I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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