i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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