Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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