last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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