And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
