I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
