My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
