Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize