He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
