Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
