I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
