how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
