So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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