Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it's like iHOP with fire
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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