we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
