just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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