So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
