I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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