I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
