And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize