Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
