I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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