i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
