he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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