i permit you to call me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
