Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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