Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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