people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
